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The Difference Between

Men And Women


We all know that males and females are different. It's not just a physical thing but the way our brains operate too. It's not really surprising therefore that Men are From Mars and Women Are From Venus remains one of the most well read books of our time.

This is just a bit of fun to illustrate the difference between men and women although I have to admit there is an element of truth in it!

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers
to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to
use the procedures outlined below when accessing
their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE
PROCEDURES have been developed. Please follow
the appropriate steps for your gender.”


MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on your mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in chequw register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on your mobile phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake

(Sound familiar?)

Words Women Use - (advice for men)

1. Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes - If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing - This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing, usually end in, "fine."

4. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh - This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here, and arguing with you about nothing, (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay," means she wants to think long, and hard before deciding how, and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks - A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say, "You're welcome".

8. Whatever - Is a women's way of saying, "**** YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it - Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.

Why Women Are Superior


1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our team mate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.